I told a friend that, as he was recapping the year, not to dwell on the bad but to look at the good as well. He might find me hypocritical for what I am about to say…but as you said, dear friend, a journal is meant to be honest and it is meant to be MINE. And here is as honest as I will ever be... on an online forum, anyway.
For weeks, I’ve wished many people “Happy Holidays’’, excited about the weeks of festivity to come. But I had gotten my hopes up, for what seems to be the hundredth time this year. In other words, my holidays were not as I had hoped. At least, not this year. Especially in comparison to last year. I know you told me not to compare, Noelle. And I really tried not to, but it’s inevitable when this time, last year, was just so memorable. Last year, everything was perfect. This year isn’t even close.
December is my favourite month encompassing both my birthday, Christmas and Boxing Day. It took forever to arrive, as it always does, but the wait seemed especially long this year. Probably because the rest of the year hasn’t been much different from my holidays. Normally, I would do a recap of the year—of everything memorable that’s happened. Aside from a handful of events, I wouldn’t mind forgetting the rest of the year, it was just that bad.
For a long time this year, I felt very alone (regardless of whether or not I really was) and really, just plain sad. I spent many hours unable to stand on my own, unable to even BE on my own because I was so afraid of my own thoughts. I’m slowly learning how to get back on my own two feet. Again. But bruises heal…and so will I, in time.
And, to be fair, the year had its share of great and unforgettable moments:
[01.23] Turkey talk (Hey Matt, I figured out our one year anniversary! =P)
[01.24] Crazy downtown day & the Linkin Park concert
[02.03] The extra CRAZY Crazy day =P
[02.14] Home-cooked breakfast, DVDs and a Swiss Chalet dinner (oh, and a pretty pink bracelet)
[08.06-08.09] Montreal weekend with the boys =)
[10.23] Wheelchair dance…”Dananananana Batman!”
[11.07] Sephora & Downtown day with the girls
[12.09] Crazy belated birthday/early Christmas
I developed a great friendship with a kindred spirit in VA and love my LA stooges more than ever. I lost touch with a couple more friends, though I am more grateful than ever for those who are still around. I’ve been impossible this year (more than usual) and for those who put up with me this year, I both apologize and thank you. I heart you.
That’s it really. Here’s to hoping that the tears will be left behind with 2004, and that 2005 will bring better days.
Happy New Year all =)
(Joe, your blog was so touching, it made me cry [and not in the bad way]. I heart you muchly.)