Penguin

MY bubble...

it's all about me.

(no subject)
Penguin
audi
I told a friend that, as he was recapping the year, not to dwell on the bad but to look at the good as well. He might find me hypocritical for what I am about to say…but as you said, dear friend, a journal is meant to be honest and it is meant to be MINE. And here is as honest as I will ever be... on an online forum, anyway.
For weeks, I’ve wished many people “Happy Holidays’’, excited about the weeks of festivity to come. But I had gotten my hopes up, for what seems to be the hundredth time this year. In other words, my holidays were not as I had hoped. At least, not this year. Especially in comparison to last year. I know you told me not to compare, Noelle. And I really tried not to, but it’s inevitable when this time, last year, was just so memorable. Last year, everything was perfect. This year isn’t even close.
December is my favourite month encompassing both my birthday, Christmas and Boxing Day. It took forever to arrive, as it always does, but the wait seemed especially long this year. Probably because the rest of the year hasn’t been much different from my holidays. Normally, I would do a recap of the year—of everything memorable that’s happened. Aside from a handful of events, I wouldn’t mind forgetting the rest of the year, it was just that bad.
For a long time this year, I felt very alone (regardless of whether or not I really was) and really, just plain sad. I spent many hours unable to stand on my own, unable to even BE on my own because I was so afraid of my own thoughts. I’m slowly learning how to get back on my own two feet. Again. But bruises heal…and so will I, in time.
And, to be fair, the year had its share of great and unforgettable moments:
[01.23] Turkey talk (Hey Matt, I figured out our one year anniversary! =P)
[01.24] Crazy downtown day & the Linkin Park concert
[02.03] The extra CRAZY Crazy day =P
[02.14] Home-cooked breakfast, DVDs and a Swiss Chalet dinner (oh, and a pretty pink bracelet)
[04.03] =(
[08.06-08.09] Montreal weekend with the boys =)
[10.23] Wheelchair dance…”Dananananana Batman!”
[11.07] Sephora & Downtown day with the girls
[12.09] Crazy belated birthday/early Christmas
I developed a great friendship with a kindred spirit in VA and love my LA stooges more than ever. I lost touch with a couple more friends, though I am more grateful than ever for those who are still around. I’ve been impossible this year (more than usual) and for those who put up with me this year, I both apologize and thank you. I heart you.
That’s it really. Here’s to hoping that the tears will be left behind with 2004, and that 2005 will bring better days.
Happy New Year all =)

(Joe, your blog was so touching, it made me cry [and not in the bad way]. I heart you muchly.)
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A little delayed, but better late than never...
Penguin
audi
Merry Christmas!
I hope you're all having the happiest of holidays =)
(and a Vewy Mewwy Chwistmas to my favourite LA counterparts!)
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(no subject)
Penguin
audi
Am officially done exams =) Wish I could be more relieved, but I'm too exhausted.
Ever tried Wasabi beans? It's the kind of snack you could only get at Pacific Mall (which is where I would assume my mom got it from) and it's kind of like those corn nut snacks. Only semi-Wasabi flavoured. It sounds gross, but it's oddly addicting.
Oh, my Thursday =D
Not only did I not have to put up with the incompetence that is my communications TA, I must have smiled the entire day through. You might make fun, but I don't care: I spent the majority of the day re-watching all the old tapes of my love affair with the boybands. Half the shows don't even exist anymore, and many of the VJ's have been long gone, not to mention that the boybands have been broken up, gone solo, etc... but it was just such a time trip. I can't believe I was ever as crazy as my mom is now. And speaking of crazy... (ooh, that was shhmooth "with a capital Shhm" =P)
Had a crazy night: A really pretty shiny thing, Gilmore Girls, Pho and a spontaneous early Christmas. Mainly because he killed the surprise and really wanted to buy my present right then and there, we had Christmas a couple of weeks early. Which was fine, 'cus I was more than glad to give him his present (and stop worrying that he would buy it himself before I could give it to him). I think he liked his present okay =P J'aime les miens beaucoup, beaucoup, beaucoup--Thank you "Dananananananana...Batman!" LOL.
What is it with my best friends and killing surprises?! What is WRONG with you people??? Yes, you. NERRRD.

(no subject)
Penguin
audi
I had the best Thursday in a long time yesterday, but I will ramble about it later on seeing as how I have an exam in oh...46mins. Believe it or not, I am so panicked about this exam but whether it's the belief that I've retained information I can't seem to recall at will (but will hopefully recall under the pressures of actually writing the exam), or haven't retained any whatsoever I just can't bring myself to study anymore. Maybe it's the fact that this is my last exam and, after my past two weeks, no longer have the energy to care? So instead of cramming in last minute information like everyone else seems to be doing--and what I should be doing, I'm wasting away the minutes in the computer lab. Wish me luck, I think I'll need it.
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This is my December...
Penguin
audi
To everyone whose greetings made the day just all the more special...Thank You.


(no subject)
Penguin
audi
It makes me sad to know that I've procrastinated for three days to write one seven page paper. I've procrastinated for THREE days, and it only took me an hour and a half to write about three pages. To think...if I had just done it a little sooner... but it's too late for that now I suppose. Though when I realized this, I near kicked myself but decided on a break instead.
It's official. I've been bitten by the Christmas bug. All my thoughts are filled with those on my Christmas list, and what I'm going to get them =) I'll be ecstatic if I can manage to get everyone something great this year.
I was looking through some old e-mails and came across all those surveys from long ago. Near died of laughter as I came across:
kazi33
What is our Favourite joke "Awound the wowld awound the wowwwwld" Oh, and dude,...what's up with "Uncle Butt"? It sure beats the turkey name. I *think* I might just pick up on it =P

deej_eh
Whats one thing that you would change about me?: START LIKING MATH DAMNIT! haha
What is one of my favorite things to do?: Talk sur le telephone Franglais if I ever heard it
What's your funniest memory of me?: Well, i am forgetful, but currently, i remember the both of us cramming for the LAW EXAM! (lol) "I don't think we're ready for this ex-am..."

CRAZY--and this proves it
What advice would you give me? "Hey. It ain't a thang but a chicken wang"
I can't believe after all the times it was said that I forogt about it. And it STILL makes absolutely no sense to me!

ryan_c
69)How old are you really? 19... yes, I'm 19, Audrey!! =b You still look like you're 17. Oh, and I included the question number 'cus let's face it, it's a fun number =P fun-ny number. I meant funny. Really.

edelweiss
If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be?:loser noname....hahaha What were YOU ON back then dit-zee?!

And it was just all so damn funny... and it brought back so many unrelated memories, also just as funny. Had me some good laughs..."If I vant to shake my drrrink, I vill shake my drrink" Oh Lordy.
ryan_c & deej_eh trying to sandwich poor, innocent people @ Elodie's farewell party during "Slave"--and how MANY TIMES that song was played 0_0
Building snowmen and a makeshift Eiffel Tower outside edelweiss's house =P
Six-Tee-Nine... 2%, Whole and Skim...
And the time we locked ourselves IN ryan_c's house the night of the Christmas concert (I think) so we had to wait for someone to come home with the key...

Kay I've gotta snap out of it. Must finish paper.
Later Days =)

(no subject)
Penguin
audi
i just want to scream.
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(no subject)
Penguin
audi
REAL-ly now...Collapse )
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(no subject)
Penguin
audi
Everything's been on a loop in my head. I'm hoping that if I get it out somehow, I can finally start a whole new record of thoughts.

The shock hasn't worn off and the questions remain, but I woke today in far better shape than I was in yesterday night. At certain moments throughout the day, I found myself...just being a little more aware of everything. It's sad how it takes something so drastic to really open your eyes, if only for a moment.

Speaking of opening eyes...Oh, how I wish I could speak the non-sugar coated truth. And I would if I thought it would do you any good. I know it would only have horrible repercussions, so I'll bite my lip and grit my teeth, and just hope that everything works itself out for your sake, and my sanity. Sooner, preferrably.

Most everything has gotten an extension, so I'm feeling a tad more relaxed than I had intended. It still means that on my first Wednesday off work, I have some major catching up to do. But, at the very least, I can sleep in. I love my bed, and my bed loves me.

Only two more weeks, and this madness will all be over.
Hrm. I was so sure I had more to say...

(no subject)
Penguin
audi
I wish I had something a little more substantial to say--something to fit the situation. But words escape me.
I knew him, though we were never very close at all.
The occasional wave as we passed each other in the school halls, or the malls we both seemed to frequent.
I saw him last only two weeks ago, when he asked me for a bus ticket so that he could go home. And I gave him one, and nothing more was said.
And though I didn't know him, he always seemed laid-back, like nothing could bring him down.
Not his family, nor his friends suspected a thing--and why should they? He didn't let on.
It makes me wonder: what could have possibly been so bad that it was completely unbearable to live?
For whatever the reason, Karlo...
May you rest in peace.

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